Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Popularity for Sale

If you want to make a lot of money in America, you need to find something trendy, and then milk it for all that its worth. For example Dutch Brother's Coffee is the same as any other drive up coffee stand, but what makes them stand out is the flirtatious and always beautiful college kids selling the drinks.

I dare say, that Dutch Bro's is not even really selling hot beverages. What they are selling is the product of "Cool."

And why not. Think about all the average products that have made it big simply because someone told us it was cool, or better yet, that we would be cool if we had this. Can't think of any? How about every cell phone advertisement out there. What about the iPod? The best example is Axe body spray. Nobody actually thinks that smells good, yet every teenage boy seems to be bathing in it, hoping that girls will rip their clothes off. It's not gonna happen.

So if you have an inferior product, don't worry. You just need a good marketing strategy that convinces people they will be much cooler if they have your product.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Great deals on Craiglist

I like bargain hunting. It feels so great to get a good deal, and one thing I love more than anything is negotiating. If you have ever gone down to mexico and shopped around, or if you frequent garage sales, you know what I'm talking about.

It doesn't matter what kind of crap you come home with as long as you can tell people, "I got this for $3. It's Regularly $9.95 you know. Also, make sure you add, "They didn't want to give it me, but was able to talk them down."

We love impressing our friends this way. For some reason we believe our friends are thinking "wow, what a skilled negotiator," when in reality they know the truth, which is that you and I are in fact cheap.

This is why I enjoy using Craigslist. You can sell junk you don't need, at a higher price than you could get at a garage sale (and with way less work). On the flip side, as a buyer you may spend more getting items, but you can look at pictures before you get in your car. You can also call or email the seller and ask about the item, and most people who are selling stuff are really nice to you, probably because you know where they live.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

How to Win a Game Show

I would like to go on a game show, but I'm pretty sure they will never pick me to be a contestant. You see, if I ever do end up on a game show, I would quit very early on. It would be pretty anti-climatic.

I would answer like the first two or three questions, you know the ones that are there to make sure that you are still alive:

QUESTION 1: Do you know your name?
Yes, its Jeremy
You've just won a hundred dollars!

QUESTION 2: For a $1,000 tell me, how many fingers do you have on each hand?
I know this one, its five.
You're up to one thousand dollars!

QUESTION 3: On the day you met your wife, what color was the dress was she wearing?
Uh...yeah, thanks for the thousand dollars...it's been really fun.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Sell Plasma

I am not suggesting that you sell your own blood, or other bodily fluids here. This site is all about "go big or go home," so I think the best way to make a lot of money in a short amount of time is to invest in Plasma TV stock.

Think about this. Here in America we like things to be bigger. We like TV. And the best part is like cars, these Plasma TV sets are actually made to break. No longer can you rely on your set to last well into your retirement years like our parents, and grandparents. Oh no, we like our Television sets to come with a 5 - 10 year shelf life. Just long enough to make it past the manufacturers warranty, but not long enough that the assembly line comes to a halt.

What happens when these Television sets break? Well that is the problem of the consumer. Let's face it, the way technology is working today in 5 - 10 years we'll be onto some other new device. So for now I say invest in companies that manufacture plasma TV sets. Just make sure you get out before the next thousand dollar TV set comes along driving the old outdated plasma screens down to the ridiculous price of a meager $100 bucks or so.

Don't think that will happen? Ask your parents and grandparents how much they bought their first VCR for, or what they spent back in the 70's for a movie camera.

One day, I look forward to buying a Wind powered, 3D Television set, I'm just not gonna get one when they first come out. I will be enjoying my nice old plasma screen TV that I purchased for a tenth of the price, with the stock I cashed in from my investment in Plasma. Thanks to all the consumers out their who are paying top dollar, to make others rich.

Disclaimer: I am not a financial analyst, and I take no responsibility for anyone else's investment in stock.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Passenger in Real Life

After watching Dan in Real Life, which I highly recommend, the following thought occurred to me. Why not offer a service to parents, where you endanger yourself as the passenger, while their kids learn to driving.

Let's face it when kids get their permit, parental anxiety hits an all-time high. Besides, no one wants to drive with their own children, and the teens definitely don't want to drive with their parents. It's a win, win situation.

Now, before you go out and try this I might suggest you increase your life insurance policy, and your car insurance collision coverage, and your passenger coverage. You might also want to see if your health care is adequate. Oh, and get in touch with a lawyer. On second thought, maybe this is not such a good idea.

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for anyone who is "brave" enough to actually attempt this...if you do, Go with God.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Rent-A-Chaperone Services

A visit to my wife's family yesterday inspired a great money making idea. My 15 year old neice, has a boyfriend. He seems nice enough, and everyone seems to like him. But he's a boy.

That is why I have now devised a plan to create a dating escort service. This is not to be confused with the typical escort services in which you pay a good looking person to "escort" you.

No, this is where you send someone to Chaperone (spy) on your children while they are out on a date.

Rates are as follows:

$20 hr - Watch from a distance
$30 hr - Walk with the couple
$40 hr - Sit or stand in between the couple
$50 hr - Try to break the couple up

Friday, March 14, 2008

Lemonade Stand

Every parent knows that letting your kid do a lemonade stand is a fail proof way to lose money. Kids are always so excited to make the lemonade and more importantly make a lot of money.

We know they never even break-even. The kids sit their in the hot sun, with the crappy self-made signs, begging every neighbor who walks by to give them a quarter. And all that 25 cents gets you is what is now lukewarm sour, yellow, water with some lemon flavor to it.

What we learn from this is location, location, location. Parents, why do you insist on forcing your kids to stay in a safe place? Why not let them go into a crowded city, where people are walking to work, and tired. The kids could then branch out from lemonade to selling newspapers, and hot dogs!

They could use the profits to invest in even better refrigeration systems for the lemonade, a grill for hamburgers...the possibilities are endless. In the end, parents are the downfall of the multi-million dollar lemonade stand empire that could have been.